Change

Change is a funny old thing. It’s so subjective. Everyone reacts to it differently. There are people who dream change. And then there are people who thrive on it. People like actors think nothing of change. It’s a part of their lives. Every morning, it’s another day, another person to be. Their whole lives are just cycles of constant change. Learning how to be someone only to forget and learn to be someone else the next day.

People are so different that way. When it comes to change, I mean. You’d think there are people who like and people who don’t, but there’s so much more than just that.

For some, change is a way of life. Waking up somewhere different everyday. Not knowing what the day will bring you. Going some place different everyday, and staying there, not because that was the way they planned it. Simply because they like it. Ironically, it’s the only constant in their wind whirl of a lifestyle.

For me, change was an enemy. I never liked it. I’d prefer things staying the way they were. I never liked accepting death, never wanted people to leave, situations to change. I tried running away from change. Avoiding it, ignoring it, trying to cling onto the way things used to be. I craved familiarity and never wanted to step out of my comfort zone.

The ironic thing is that though I hated change and detested it when people changed, i came to change myself.
I never meant to. We all know I never wanted to. But while I was trying not to change into the person they thought I was, I changed into the person I never thought I would be. Somehow, sometime, instead of running away from change, I ran head first into it.
For a while, I tried to deny it. I told myself that, it was a phase not who I was. It was supposed to pass. I knew it would. Or, rather, I hoped it would. But slowly, I came to accept it. I started liking who I was. I enjoyed being me. Sure, I miss the way things were, the Little-Muffet-I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck-I’ma-Do-What-I-Want. But I think I’ve come to accept the fact that change is a part of life. Yes, Life is about Moving On and there is no Growth without Change, but good God, must it be so fucking hard?

Transitions

The summer vacations are nearly over, and the time for change is fast approaching. It’s time to grow up. To ‘fit in’ in high school. It’s time to say goodbye to those leaving for college. Time to say hello to their replacements. Time to stride ahead, and not look back.

In a way, the new year begins at this time. We leave the past behind, and walk into the future. Yesterday is really over now. And there’s a tomorrow to be thought about. Times like these scare me. I don’t like change. I’d rather stay where I am. And this time it’s even harder. This time, high school’s starting, and that scares even me, Miss I-Can-Take-Anything-You-Throw-At-Me. And Ali’s going away to college, of course. Iowa City. And that is SOME distance. I don’t actually know how much and nor does google apparently. Even so, it’s not like he can just drive down to see me any old time. And then, there’s friends. This summer, I’ve learned who my real friends are. And the end marks the transition from the old to the new.

Despite all this, I’m going into the psuedo-new year with my head held high. I’m not going to let this stuff daunt me. I’m going to be strong and win this thing.

Well, that’s that.

P.S. Ali is a secret identity name. Like almost everyone on my blog is going to be.